Dear Molly, My boyfriend gets frustrated …

Hi! So lately (in the past 3 months) my boyfriend has been getting really frustrated with me when we don’t have sex and I’m on my period. He’s been really stressed at work and I know that sex is a good way for him to decompress, but I don’t like to have sex when I’m on my period. I’ve tried to explain, but he doesn’t understand why it’s uncomfortable for me. Basically I’m looking for how can I explain this to him and how can I still support him when I’m on my period. Thank you!


Get a new boyfriend.

This guy doesn’t respect you and how you’re feeling. He wants to decompress? Go for a run. He “needs” to get off? Masturbate.

Sex with you is not a medication for his mental health and you don’t owe him that at all. Supporting him and subjecting yourself to his “needs” are two different things. Especially if you have said “No, this is uncomfortable for me” and he’s still pushing for it or throwing a temper tantrum? BYE. He is not worth your energy. Sex is fun, sex is a way to connect and play, but sex is not a need. You can go your whole life without it. It’s not a need, it’s a desire. And desires don’t come before needs.

I’ve had times in my life where my mental health and physical health made me completely uninterested in sex for six straight months. Do you know what my boyfriend did? SUPPORTED ME. He put me first because my need to have my feelings validated and supported outweighed his desire for a sexual release. A good partner will do that and it sounds like your boyfriend is doing the exact opposite. He’s making you feel guilty and that is bullshit.

On to the next, my love. He is not worth your time.





Dear Molly, Is it Wrong to be Co-Dependent?

Hey. I know you talk about independence and being confident and it’s something that I’ve been struggling with lately. I feel like everyone is talking about how they don’t need a man in their life, but what if I want one? Is it so wrong to want to be in a relationship? I think I’m just naturally a co-dependant person, what’s so wrong about that?


This community has become one I am radically proud of. You each seem to consistently strive for your independent strength, stretch your legs, remain confident, and keep your head up no matter the challenges that come your way. One of the things I hope doesn’t happen is that you forget that there is not an inherent weakness in partnership or craving partnership.

I posted a few months ago on Instagram with the caption “a note to my v independent ladies: it’s okay to let someone take care of you once in a while” and was very surprised at the messages I received saying that you “Needed to hear this” or “Yes, we do! I always forget it’s okay to not be okay”. Being independent and confident doesn’t mean being impervious, faultless, or invulnerable. There’s so much beauty in your ability to be open to being cared for.

So to answer your question “what’s so wrong with that?” absolutely nothing.

Let’s get vulnerable and personal right now. Sometimes I think that I’m the neediest, independent person alive. I cherish my independence. I love my own space, my personal time, and looking out for “number one”. Yet in partnership, I am “needy” in the cleanest sense of the word. I like to be cared for, I like to feel special, reassured, and provided for. Actually, I don’t “like” it, I “need” it. It’s probably the most dichotomous aspect of my personality and one that’s been a curveball for every guy I’ve ever dated. They expect to date this hurricane that blazes ahead without a second thought and requires no support and instead, I can be fragile and find a lot of stability through relationships (romantic or otherwise). *shrug* People are complex. I’ve accepted the fact that if I was a plant I would not be a cactus happy to go months without support, I would proudly be a little orchid.


painfully applicable


At first, like you, I felt like this was a massive weakness. One that I thought I would have to work to remove to call myself an independent woman, but that’s not the case. Craving, enjoying, and benefiting from partnership is how we, as people, have always lived. At 26 I’m extremely proud of my tough exterior and soft, gentle inner emotions. This quality has forced me to be extremely careful about who I let into my inner circle and who I will genuinely open with. To be completely honest, there are less than five people in the world who truly know me. It’s how I protect and nurture the side of myself that craves partnership.

My final thought for you is this, love and nurture the side of you that craves partnership, but don’t rely solely on one person, romantic or otherwise, to give it to you. Even if you are single and wishing you were in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you are any less capable of taking care of yourself and thriving. You don’t need someone else to be next to you to accomplish all you want in life.


Dear Molly, I Cheated On My Boyfriend and Now He Doesn’t Trust Me At All.

I know I’m about to sound like the bad guy, but last year I cheated on my boyfriend. It wasn’t with anyone serious, it was a handful of times, and it didn’t mean anything. The guilt was eating me up, so four months after I ended things I told him. Obviously he stopped trusting me, but we stayed together. That was about ten months ago. And he still doesn’t trust me at all. Checks up on me all the time, doesn’t believe me when I’m going out with my friends, constantly asks to see who I’m texting and what I’m doing. At first, I thought it was temporary, just to give him back a little faith in me. But it’s been so long I’m not sure anymore. How can I prove to him that I’m trustworthy and get things back to the way they were? 


Trust and Trusting are two different things.

Trust is a noun, it’s formed over time through mutual generosity and confidence in each other. Trusting is a verb, it’s the action that builds Trust (the noun). Trusting is hard, it takes vulnerability, patience, and a willingness to be hurt. Trust isn’t built by one person. It’s built by two people Trusting, which means it cannot be rebuilt by one person. While you may have been the one to break the Trust the responsibility of rebuilding it, through Trusting, belongs to both of you.

What’s interesting to me is you said “to give him back a little faith in me”, but that’s not how faith works. Like Trust, faith is something he has to have in you, not something you can provide him. When you told him what happened and you both decided to stay together that was square one. You restart together. He doesn’t get to stand on a pedestal while you beg for forgiveness. To agree to restart is to grant forgiveness. His decision to stay was his own and he needs to act like someone who wants to stay because right now his words are not matching his actions.

You cannot have a relationship without Trust. To restore Trust (noun) in your relationship requires your boyfriend’s willingness to Trust (verb) you. That’s the funny thing about it, to have it you have to give it. Your boyfriend and you cannot have Trust if he doesn’t start Trusting. His behavior of checking up on you shouldn’t have started at all. Trust isn’t born of the absence of discretion. Trusting is risky, you can get hurt and he did get hurt. But that’s the nature of loving. That’s the dare we all take when we entrust our hearts to someone else. To truly love is to accept risk.

By agreeing to continue to be together he agreed to start Trusting again, the two are mutually inclusive. If he doesn’t want to move forward then he should have left when you came clean. If he loves you and wants to move forward he needs to practice Trusting you.  It doesn’t sound like he is moving forward, it sounds like he’s reminding you of it daily and using it to punish you and control you.

So here are the facts:

He didn’t catch you cheating, you came to him after you ended it. That speaks volumes about where your priorities lay and what you want most.

He doesn’t trust you and isn’t giving you the space to earn trust back. Yes, he was hurt. But he made the decision to stay.

You can’t make him trust you. You can’t make things go back to the way they were.

When you came clean and decided to stay together that was wiping the slate clean. If he can’t do that then you need to find someone who can. Learn what you can from this, leave him, and move forward.




Simple Loving: What Being in the Wrong Relationship Taught Me


We’ve all witnessed our friends in bad relationships and thought the same thing: that will never be me. I was exactly that person. I thought I was someone who would walk away the second a relationship went south and if you would have told me that I would be in the wrong relationship for years I would never have believed you.

That’s the funny thing about a bad relationship is you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s over. If you had asked me, in the thick of my worst relationship, how things were going I probably would have said some clichéd line about a “rough patch”, but that we were working on it and things were definitely “looking up”.

Some couples do dig themselves out of those rough patches, but more often than not those rough patches are caused by being mismatched in a relationship. It’s not you, it’s not them, it’s the two of you together. You are simply wrong for each other. Being one half of a wrong relationship taught me a lot about myself, my limits, and what I need to be happy in a relationship.


Here are seven things that being in the wrong relationship taught me.

  1. You should not feel like a martyr in your relationship, constantly sacrificing your happiness for your partners.
  2. If you’re constantly making excuses for them and defending them to your friends, it’s not the right relationship for you. Your friends are looking out for you, trust them enough to listen to what they have to say instead of listing excuses.
  3. If you cannot trust each other, it’s not the right relationship for you.
  4. You should never feel like you are “unloveable”, “too much”, or “difficult” for asking for what you need in a romantic relationship.
  5. If you’re terrified of losing them, it’s not the right relationship for you. Of course, you hope your partner will stay, but if you are fearful of being on your own and them leaving it’s not a healthy dependency.
  6. If you’ll fight with them about anything just to “spend time together”, it’s not the right relationship for you.
  7. If you contemplate breaking up more than fixing things, then it’s probably time you did.


Breaking up is never easy, and always seems harder in the moment, but it was the right move for me us. If you’re in this situation I would urge you to find the confidence, and courage, to end it. Find a relationship with yourself that makes you happy and a relationship with another that makes you proud. The right relationship for you is out there, so don’t stay in the wrong one.


Dear Molly, Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

My boyfriend cheated on me and I don’t know what to do. That’s really all I have. I don’t even really have a question, I just don’t know what to do. Do you think once a cheater always a cheater? I don’t know if I can trust him anymore.


Most people think that someone who cheats is immediately untrustworthy and should be cut out of your life, I disagree. To me, assuming “once a cheater, always a cheater” is a very narrow view of someone’s sexuality, capacity for a healthy relationship, personality, and their ability for growth. A person who cheats is always able to have a healthy relationship in the future, whether that be with the person they cheated on or a new person.

I think people are fallible, we make mistakes. I think people are defined not by the mistakes they make, but by how they rise. How they move forward. It comes down to this: Did you find out on your own or did he come to you?

If he came to you there’s a good chance he feels guilty about it. If you want to continue the relationship you need to understand that there is trust to be rebuilt, that it will take time, that it will take patience and sacrifice from you. If he came you to and genuinely feels bad and wants to move forward then, to me, the question isn’t only about your capacity for forgiveness.

Can you move forward? Can you feel secure in the future? What do you need to achieve those pieces? Don’t get bogged down in details of was it one time or on-going, those things don’t matter if you want to move forward. If you can’t separate that type of detail than I suggest you leave, because the odds of you being able to have a solid relationship in the future are slim. We’re taught to “forgive and forget”, but with cheating, it’s not so simple. Maybe you can forgive, but you’ll never forget. The potential future of a relationship rests on your desire to move forward and rebuild trust.

If you found out on your own then, in my opinion, the gloves are off. Especially if it was romantic. You don’t need to stage your own Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats music video. You don’t need to weigh yourself down with acts of revenge. But you do need to leave. Pretending you don’t know isn’t an option. Pretending it’s not a big deal isn’t an option. You’re worth more.


So why do people cheat? Everyone’s reason is different. People cheat for the thrill, for an escape, because it really was a mistake, the list goes on. Cheating is not the thing that ruins a relationship, it’s a fork in the road. It’s a symptom of something that is already wrong. It doesn’t need to be immediate, but if you move forward with this guy, you may need to have a conversation about the “why?” which can be incredibly tough.


I can’t tell you what to do. I’ve been cheated on and left immediately, I’ve been cheated on and stayed. It’s subjective to each relationship and situation. What I can tell you is that staying in a relationship and moving forward is going to be difficult. It’s going to require work and blind trust in someone who just shattered the trust you had for them. It’s going to take strength and vulnerability. It’s going to be the process of establishing a new normal, a new foundation for your relationship. It’s going to be hard.




make believe: a clean break {Four Things to Help You Find Post-Breakup Closure}


Even if you’ll later say that you saw it coming, nearly all breakups catch us off-guard. When that heart-wrenching moment happens to you it’s time to start looking forward, put the past in the past, and process through the pain. Personally, I thrive off of taking a step back and looking at the relationship and breakup from a place of logic, instead of emotion.

Here are a few things you may not expect, that can be extremely helpful as you work through a breakup:


He’s not interested anymore.

Why waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t want you? The number one quality to look for in a partner in their love of you and their appreciation for all the wonderful things you are. They don’t see it? Don’t waste your time.

He didn’t know you.

Maybe he knew your favorite color or cocktail of choice, but he didn’t deeply, truly know and understand you. If he had the capacity to know and truly know you, he wouldn’t leave. A person that can understand all the nooks and crannies of who you are will want to stay.

If he’s “too busy” or has “too much going on” right now for a relationship.

He can’t meet your needs. If he doesn’t have “time” for you what he means is he doesn’t want to have time for your needs. If he’s listing off a ton of reasons why the two of you can’t be together all he’s doing is crafting his cop-out argument. If you’re “too much” or moving “too fast” it means he’s someone who can’t keep up.

He set you free.

It’s simple. He released you from a relationship with someone who couldn’t give you everything that you deserve and desire. You have so much freedom in being a “me” instead of a “we”. Embrace it.

Dear Molly, The guy I’m dating is pulling away. How do I keep him without being needy?

I started dating this guy a few weeks ago and at first everything was going super well. There wasn’t any weird “who is texting first” thing. There wasn’t any force conversation. It all felt so natural like we’d been friends for a long time. We went on around 10 dates, all good – I think – but since the last date (about 2 weeks ago) I’ve barely heard from him. A little here and there, but not like we used to. I feel like he’s pulling away and I’m not sure how to keep him without being needy. I’m frustrated and feeling forgotten. Help!


*A little housekeeping*

I’m going to start with the question most people reading this will immediately ask: Have you slept together and when? And answer it pretty quick: It doesn’t matter.

We get taught all these dating “norms” as women to wait until the third date or fifth date, or whenever, to sleep with someone because as soon as you do he’ll stop calling, stop texting, and slowly fade from your life. It’s just not true. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. There are no rules to how you can or can’t start dating someone.


Let get into it…

When you feel someone you care about pulling away it’s hard to not want to reach out all the time. New relationships are like sand, the tighter you white-knuckle them the more they seep through your fingers. With social media, we can see that this person is alive, and has the time to post and see their other friends. It raises the question: Why aren’t they choosing us? Why aren’t they writing us? Tempting as it may be to reach out, I highly suggest you refrain, take a beat, and regroup.

Maybe you just aren’t high enough on his totem pole of what matters in his day to day yet. Maybe he is pulling away. Maybe he’s simply busy. For most people this is the busiest time of their year, in the professional world we’re starting the biggest quarter of the year, it’s the end of Summer, universities’ Fall semesters just started up a few weeks ago. Instead of devoting your time to figuring out his motives, investigate why you are asking yourself these things at all.

All that we can say is definitely happening is that he is living in his freedom, living outside of the “you and him” and that is making you feel insecure. We have a habit of assuming that because someone doesn’t need us, that they don’t want us. His living free is not the same as him pulling away from you. When you start to ask yourself why he wouldn’t write you when he seems to have time you need to take a step back and ask why you care. Switch your focus from “Why isn’t he writing me?” to “Why do I need him to write me to feel wanted?”

Of course, we look at actions from people we care about as a reflection of how they care about us. Personally, I’m a big show me, don’t tell me person. But someone texting me “Good morning” every day isn’t “showing” me. Showing me would be wanting and working for that 11th date. It’s important to find your own foundation and stability outside of the relationship (whether that relationship is romantic, a friendship, or a family bond). Be solid in you. Flourish in your independence. Don’t rely on daily, breadcrumb interactions to validate how he feels about you. If he cares, it’ll be obvious once you step back.

You also need to remember that people love and express their care in different ways. Open up to the idea that he may be expressing his consideration for you in a way that you aren’t reading. Ten dates is quite a few for someone to just up and ghost you. I’d guess that he does care for you and that the two of you are speaking slightly different languages. What specifically makes you feel like he’s pulling away? That you aren’t talking all the time? Maybe he just feels like he doesn’t need to be in constant contact with you to show that he cares.


Moving forward

So what can you do right now? Don’t text him about the “space”. Don’t post your life on social media and expect him to come running. Don’t live for him. Don’t live for his attention.

Move forward in person. Try to schedule that 11th date. A little ruse never killed anyone. Shoot him a “My friend wants to hang out Friday, but I’d rather see you. You around?” or whatever feels like a you thing to say. If he’s interested he’ll make it happen. If he’s busy he’ll find an alternative time to see you. If he’s not interested, he won’t. You’ll get an “Ahh I wish I could”. Either way, you’ll have your answer.

Here’s the bottom line, you need to be secure in yourself and your partner’s freedom and you deserve a partner who never makes you question if they want you. Some people are naturally more independent, some people are naturally more co-dependent. I’m a very independent person and I really enjoy time to myself, but I know that my boyfriend doesn’t thrive in the same way. When I pull deeply into my own space and independence I have to be conscious of how it affects the relationship. In the same way that he stretches his stability to accept my independence, I stretch my independence to include him and keep a closeness.

If this person isn’t treating you the way you need, then move on. Earlier I said that there are no rules to dating and it’s true. Date whoever and however you want. What there are rules about is the behavior that you allow someone who knows you personally, romantically, or intimately to inflict on you. Do not tolerate what doesn’t serve you.




Dear Molly, I’m In Love with My Best Friend and He’s Dating Someone Else.

Okay. So here is it: I really like my best friend and he’s dating someone. We are best friends, talk all the time, we met about a year ago and lately, it just feels different. I definitely didn’t intend on this but I’m pretty sure I want to be with him and I think he wants to be with me too. But he has a girlfriend so every time we end up talking about it it’s always one big joke like “major in another life” and nothing serious. Do I go for it? I am super conflicted because I was trying to put him back in the friend category and then last week he kissed me. Like what? Should I put myself out there to see what happens? HELP ME!


First, your friend is not treating you like a friend. Sure, he is in a tough spot, but that doesn’t mean he gets to lead you on and then laugh it off and go home to the security of a girlfriend. Life is happening right now, there’s no “another lifetime” mentality. What he’s doing, frankly, is cowardly. It’s the definition of having your cake and eating it too. He gets a girlfriend, a best friend, and a fantasy, and what do you get? Led on, hurt, and left wanting. You’re worth a lot more than that. You are worth more than his manipulation.

What you need are boundaries. You need to tell him, next time this comes up, to knock it off. Is he going to date you? Is he going to leave his girlfriend for you? No? Then you are in no way obligated (and should not) commiserate with him. As I said before, life is happening now. There’s no “missed opportunity” when the opportunity is right in front of you and actively available. If he wanted to date you, truly and deeply, he would. You would make it work because that’s what you do when you love someone. You two seem to have a very solid “friend” foundation and it’s not like he would be leaping for someone he just met, this is someone that he knows as a friend and clearly, the two of you connect. I’ve talked about this sort of things before in this post and think it applies here.

Falling for a friend and having that turn into something wonderful absolutely can and does happen, but remember that he’s not just your friend, you are his as well. Meaning that while you two are viewing your friendship through different lenses you are both experiencing the same interactions. If he thought there was something there he’s able to pursue it. The idea that you have to put yourself out there first so that he feels safe enough to tell you how he feels is ridiculous. You are both adults and if he wants you he shouldn’t need a safety net to go for it. Is that how you’d want him to be motivated? Do you want someone who plays it safe, or someone who would go for it?

Get some space from him and ask yourself if he’s someone who could actually give you what you need. To me, it seems like he’s not meeting you halfway in the friendship and wouldn’t meet you halfway in a romantic relationship either.




make believe: a clean break {83 Songs for Every Type of Breakup}

Sometimes you want to cry in bed for days, sometimes you want to celebrate a new era of time with your girlfriends, and sometimes you want to set his car on fire. Breakups come in all shapes and sizes and luckily for us, there’s a song for each one.

Scroll through the best breakup songs below, visit the playlist on Spotify, or tap one of the options below to jump to the type of break up you’re going through.

Don’t see a type of breakup song that you need? Shoot me a DM over IG or via the contact page.


When You Need To Cry It Out

Embracing the Breakup / Moving On


Mutual / Accepting

Leaving Him

Putting Yourself First

He Missed Out On Something Good

Fuck Him / Angry Ones / Raging with Your Girlfriends

He Goes Back to His Girlfriend

He Leaves You / Moves On to Someone Else

Ending Things With a Fuqboi

He Cheats on You

He Tries to Get You Back, but Let’s Face It, He Sucks



When You Need To Cry It Out

essentials: a best friend on speed dial, one too many glasses of wine, the willpower not to show up at his doorstep, extra soft tissues, a clean shower for all your dramatic slide-down-the-wall-cry-on-the-floor vibes


Bruises – Lewis Capaldi

vibe: Willing all the memories to stay after someone you love deeply leaves. Sad, weepy, deep mourning over lost love with very sexy male vocals.

lyrics of note: “I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind / But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind” … “Your love I’m lost in / Even though I’m nothing to you now”

Good as You Were Bad – Jana Kramer

vibe: Losing someone you feel is “perfect” despite all his flaws and how he treated you.

lyrics of note: “I’ve never been held the way you held me / And I’ve never been hurt the way you hurt me / I could handle this pain, forget your name / If you hadn’t loved me like you had”

Stay – Shaun Reynolds, Laura Pringle

vibe: Duet cover of Rihanna’s song, so you get both male and female vocals throughout. It’s more of a love song, but the chorus line of wanting someone to stay will make you cry, even if you’re in a happy relationship.

lyrics of note: “Not really sure how to feel about it / Something in the way you move / Makes me feel like I can’t live without you / Yeah, it takes me all the way / I want you to stay”

Shed Your Love – The Helio Sequence

vibe: Grow into your own and losing a love along the way.

lyrics of note: “Fell off of the plane in Amsterdam / Shop the streets to find out who I am” … “Home again to find that you were gone / On a subway train before the dawn / Said that you couldn’t stay and wait for me”

Let Her Go – Passenger

vibe: The song we all wish he was thinking after breaking out hearts. Live in the fantasy that he’s having serious regret for 4:12.

lyrics of note: “Staring at the ceiling in the dark / Same old empty feeling in your heart / Love comes slow and it goes so fast”

Crowded Places – BANKS

vibe: Processing the pain of putting yourself out there and loving someone, who runs scared from you.

lyrics of note: “Remember when I loved you right before that tour? / You said you didn’t want to see me anymore / And then when I got home when I played that show in L.A / All your shit was gone / It was the only time I thought I’d made a mistake”

I’ll Be There Where the Heart Is – Kim Carnes

vibe: Loving someone despite them not loving you. It’s a very different vibe than today’s love songs in that you get slidey synth instead of acoustic, but the lyrics will bring the heavy feels. 1980s pop, love ballad from Flashdance.

lyrics of note: I lie awake at night / And I wonder how you are / And I wish that I could be you again”


Embracing the Breakup / Moving On

essentials: a stiff cocktail, the self-control to not cut yourself bangs, Sex and the City movie


Over You – Kasbo, Frida Sundemo

vibe: The mantra you keep repeating to yourself as you try to move on. Solid beat. Even if you aren’t “over him” this song might convince you that you are.

lyrics of note: “Yeah, I’m over you / Or at least I will be soon”

Remind Me To Forget – Kygo, Miguel

vibe: Focusing on the bad times instead of clingy to all the good memories. Very solid, uplifting beat with lyrics that are perfect for a “move on” feel.

lyrics of note: “It doesn’t matter where you are, you can keep my regret / Baby I got these scars, reminding me to forget”

Wild Horses – Birdy, Sam Feldt

vibe: You are a phoenix. You are rising strong. You are the ex comes out on top. Moving into a better phase of your life without begging for another chance.

lyrics of note: This can’t be love if it hurts so much / I need to let go / I will survive and be the one who’s stronger / I will not beg you to stay”

Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans

vibe: Accepting that an on and off again relationship will never work and moving forward with more strength.

lyrics of note: “I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer / I’m busy getting stronger / And I’m done hoping that we can work it out / I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels / Letting you drag my heart around” … “Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger”

Somebody That I Used To Know – Gotye, Kimbra

vibe: Mourning and being upset over the loss of a friend, not just a relationship, in a breakup.

lyrics of note: “Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing / And I don’t even need your love / But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough”




essentials: a box of tissues, scrolling through old photos of you two before deleting them all, staying away from all his social media profiles


The Night We Met – Lord Huron

vibe: Soft memories of the first night with someone and only gently mentions how they grew apart.

lyrics of note: “I had all and then most of you / Some and now none of you / Take me back to the night we met”

11 Blocks – Wrabel

vibe: Having memories of your ex on every corner of the city after ending a 3-year relationship. It also touches on being in a new relationship and still thinking about the previous one.

lyrics of note: “11 blocks from my door to your doorstep / Three years later and it feels too close” … “And I met someone and I swear I’m in love / But I’m two blocks away and you’re just like a drug”

Saturdays – Twin Shadow, HAIM

vibe: The moment you’re with someone and the world starts ripping open and you’re falling through the cracks. Reminiscing on a relationship in the midst of it ending. It’s synthy, it’s slightly poppy with a great drum loop.

lyrics of note: “This could be the last time / That could be the fault line slipping away” … “Maybe we’re a fault line / Maybe we’re a fault line ready to break”

No One Compares To You – Jack & Jack

vibe: Comparing your current relationship and dating with a previous love and finding that no one else measures up.

lyrics of note: “I’m looking at her face but I’m seeing you / She’s sleeping on your side, what can I do / We should be heart to heart, my mind is on you” … “Every time I think I’ve found somebody / I just wish that somebody was you”

Great One – Jessie Reyez

vibe: Trying to move on from a previous relationship and become the best version of yourself, but finding yourself stuck in memories. Every time she hits “everything is nothing without you” you’ll feel your soul singing along and if you’re alone you probably will too.

lyrics of note: “What is life? What is love? / I hope I am enough / What is everything? / Everything is nothing without you”

Too Much To Ask – Niall Horan

vibe: Wishing you could see your ex again and that they would come running back to you. It’s definitely on the sadder side of reminiscent songs, but there’s something about “cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yet” that will give you a touch of nostalgia mixed with a need to move on.

lyrics of note: “My heart is hoping / You’ll walk right in tonight / And tell me there are things that you regret / ‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yet”



Mutual / Accepting 

essentials: a clean-slate, fresh-start mindset, resisting the urge to “get coffee” like everything is normal, skipping the clichéd speech about how your friends don’t need to “pick sides” and instead, choosing to let things fall naturally


thank u, next – Ariana Grande

vibe: No hard feelings. Learning from heartache and moving forward.

lyrics of note: “I’ve loved and I’ve lost / But that’s not what I see / So, look what I got / Look what you taught me”

Happy Now – Kygo, Sandro Cavazzo

vibe: Sincerely wishing someone well after trying to make a failing relationship work. His confidence throughout plus Kygo’s beats will fill you with that for-the-best feeling.

lyrics of note: “Step by step, I’ll move on and get on with life / So I let go, and I hope you’ll be happy now / You and me, it was good, but it wasn’t right”

Over and Done With – The Proclaimers

vibe: Happy, slightly funny, and a very energetic take on the end of a relationship. Will 100% not make you cry. 🙂

lyrics of note: “This is the story of losing my virginity / I held my breath and the bed held a trinity” … “But sometimes it seems like / My sex life’s all history”

Let’s Hurt Tonight – OneRepublic

vibe: If this is going down we’re going down together. A final hash out of all the bad before deciding whether to cut things off or continue to try and make it work.

lyrics of note: “You came to me and said, ‘that’s enough'” … “Don’t walk away, don’t roll your eyes / They say love is pain, well darling, let’s hurt tonight”

Good For You – Peder Elias

vibe: Trying to let someone go who you still care for, accepting a breakup, and genuinely wishing them well as they move on.

lyrics of note: “I don’t wanna hear you say the words I’ve said to you / But I understand someday that I will too / So if you really love him / Baby, good for you”



Leaving Him

essentials: your stuff already packed in boxes, healthy boundaries, the ability to let yourself cry because you’re allowed to be hurting even if you ended it


No Going Back – Yuno

vibe: Saying goodbye, putting the past in the past, and doing a lil hair toss all at the same time with a v vibey beat.

lyrics of note: “Gave up my life for you / But now we’re through / I know there’s no going back from it baby / You’re nowhere I wanna be”

Too Young – ayokay & Baker Grace

vibe: Transcending a relationship. He gets needy, you need space, he wants to settle, you want to run.

lyrics of note: “Truth is you hold me back / Maybe I love you, I’m too young for that / And I know your expectations got me feeling trapped”

I Wish I Missed My Ex – Mahalia

vibe: You’re over him and he still blows up your phone.

lyrics of note: “I know how this goes / Talk about you need closure / Too many missed calls, too many texts / Damn, I wish I missed my ex”

You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore – Demi Lovato

vibe: Self-mourning for all the time wasted on him.

lyrics of note: “I see the future without you” / The hell was I doing in the past?” … “No, you don’t do it for me anymore”

Settle – Vera Blue

vibe: Not settling, moving forward, and finding all the best parts of yourself along the way. V moody and indie.

lyrics of note: “I am alive and I won’t settle / Move on, and up / Now that I’ve found my way back from you”

Last Night – GRAACE

vibe: Guilty conscience over hurting someone and leaving in a relationship. Leaving isn’t only a happy, positive experience, and this is the song to comfort the person who walks away.

lyrics of note: “And I blinded you ’cause I loved your eyes / And I took your voice ’cause I love to lie / And I weighed you down, so I learned to fly / Last night I made you cry”

I Love You, But I Need Another Year – Liza Anne

vibe: Leaving someone because you aren’t ready to commit or have your own shit to work through.

lyrics of note: “Stay here / I know I love you, but I need another year / I don’t wanna drag you through it”



Putting Yourself First

essentials: a new hobby you always wanted to try, a solo night out at your favorite bar, any book by Brené Brown


Nights Like This – Kehlani, Ty Dolla $ign

vibe: Heavy dose of accepting a relationship is over even if you don’t want it to be. Acknowledging that you need to move on.

lyrics of note: “On some nights like this, I just wanna text you, but for what? / You gon’ say you want me, then go switch it up”

GIRL – Maren Morris

vibe: You best friend telling you to get up, dust yourself off, and move on.

lyrics of note: “What you feel is natural / You don’t gotta put up with this anymore / Pick yourself up off the kitchen floor / Tell me what you waitin’ for?”

Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld

vibe: Putting yourself first and foremost in terms of a relationship and sex. Definitely the song if you think that hooking up with an ex won’t be messy.

lyrics of note: “Feeling good on my own without you / Got me speaking in tongues / The beautiful, it comes without you / I’m gonna put my body first / And love me so hard ’til it hurts”

Whistle (While You Work It) – Katy Tiz

vibe: Smiling, keeping your head up, and working through all the tough shit. Applies to post-breakup and life in general. I think we can all relate to the need to “smile while you’re hurting”.

lyrics of note: “Brush it off / I will never let this shit weigh me down / Don’t cry, dry your eyes / Keep your chin up and leave it all behind”

The Wild One (single version) – Suzi Quatro

vibe: Few beers deep, dance in your kitchen, air guitar, hair flips, use the bottle as a microphone song. Suzi Quatro is the OG of strong, woman vibes.

lyrics of note: “I’m a red hot fox / I can take the knocks / I’m a hammer from hell / Honey, can’t you tell? / I’m the wild one”

I Look So Good (Without You) – Jessie James Decker

vibe: The glowy, good feeling of being newly single. Could also fall under embracing the breakup too, but I feel like this one is more “you” centric than “relationship” centric and for that reason it’s here.

lyrics of note: “Standin’ in front of the mirror / My clothes never fit better / My laughs never been louder / I look so good without you”



He Missed Out On Something Good

essentials: splurging on a sexy new pair of heels and or leather pants, a fun day out with your friends doing something active and competitive so you remember the bad bitch you are


It Ain’t Me – Kygo, Selena Gomez

vibe: Too bad, you missed out. Leaving and moving on from the guy who did all the taking and none of the giving in a relationship.

lyrics of note: “Who’s waking up to drive you home when you’re drunk and all alone? / Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? / It ain’t me”

Good as Hell – Lizzo

vibe: Obviously this one needed to be on here. Lizzo will be your best friend with a bottle of tequila and the move on with your head held high mindset.

lyrics of note: “If he don’t love you anymore / Just walk your fine ass out the door”

She’s So Gone – Naomi Scott

vibe: Celebrating a newfound version of you, post-breakup. And yes, it’s a Disney song.

lyrics of note: “And I’m stronger than you ever thought I’d be / Are you shocked? / Are you mad? / That you’re missing out on who I really am”

Your Side of The Bed – Loote

vibe: The voicemail you left on your ex’s cell about giving all your love and attention to someone new.

lyrics of note: “Everyone says that you’re better off / No, you don’t believe em'” … “I got me someone else instead / He’s taking your side of the bed”

Never Again – Kelly Clarkson

vibe: Taking jabs at him and his new girlfriend. The lyrics to really belt are definitely in the chorus. Could fall under fuck him angry ones too.

lyrics of note: “Does it hurt? To know I’ll never be there / But it sucks to see my face everywhere / It was you who chose to end it like you did”



Fuck Him / Angry Ones / Raging with Your Girlfriends

essentials: the wildest group of girls you can physically fit into one room, several bottles of José silver, thigh-high leather boots that make you feel sexy as fuck, strong Mrs. Smith vibes


Bad Girls – M.I.A.

vibe: Channeling your inner biker girl. Trust me, the breakup will be out of your mind by the end of this one.

lyrics of note: “Live fast, die young / Bad girls do it well” … “Leavin’ boys behind ’cause it’s legal just to kill”

I Don’t Fuck With You – Big Sean, E-40

vibe: He says a variation of “I don’t give a fuck about you” over 50 times. It’s a winner.

lyrics of note: “Don’t give a fuck about you or anything that you do / I heard you got a new man, I see you takin’ a pic / Then you post it up, thinkin’ that it’s makin’ me sick”

I Can Hold a Grudge Like Nobody’s Business – Adam Jensen

vibe: I didn’t forget what you did. Don’t fuck with me. Grungy, dirty, dark, heavy, a lil crazy, and all good.

lyrics of note: “You got me actin’ like the old me, but you don’t even know me / Can I get a witness? / Cause I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business”

Bad Girls – Pussy Riot, Dave Sitek, Desi Mo

vibe: Sharpening knives and hyping with the girls as you plot his murder.

lyrics of note: “A good girl never had penetration / A bad girl leave a hard dick waiting” … “Bad girls club and no you can’t sit with me / Well behaved women seldom make history / It’s not a mystery but if you really want to get to me / Don’t bring no glass slippers, Cinderella wasn’t shit to me”

Manhunt – Karen Kamon

vibe: Switching up the vibe from defense to offense and putting yourself aggressively out there. Another gem from Flashdance.

lyrics of note: “I’m goin’ on a manhunt, turn it around / Women have been hunted, now they’re huntin’ around”

Boss Ass Bitch – Ptaf

vibe: V V V NSFW, but V V V V V V V V solid for girls night.

lyrics of note: “I’m a boss ass bitch”

Me & My Girls – Selena Gomez

vibe: Girls night out when you all have zero interest in guys or meeting someone and are there for each other.

lyrics of note: “I know we’re making you thirsty / You want us all in the worst way / You don’t understand / I don’t need a man”

Crying in the Club – Camila Cabello

vibe: Seeing your recently dumped friend start to get emotional when you’re out drinking and dragging her to the bathroom for a pep talk. You can even blot her tears to the beat.

lyrics of note: “You think, that you’ll die without him / You know, that’s a lie that you tell yourself” … “Let the beat carry away, your tears as they fall, baby / Ain’t no crying in the club”

BIG BANK – 2 Chainz, Big Sean, Nicki Minaj

vibe: Not about a breakup at all, but the vibe is heavy with “fuck you, I’m the best” and if you and your friends need a song to get hyped to during a pregame I’d put this on.

lyrics of note: “Lames can’t call and you a lame / You had it then you lost it, hall of shame / I can buy a Bentley, don’t talk to me”



He Goes Back to His Girlfriend

essentials: a non-judgmental best friend, the realization that you were never in competition with his girlfriend, respect for his choice, a karaoke bar and the confidence to belt your favorite song to a room of strangers


NUMB – Hayden James, GRAACE

vibe: Wishing you could feel nothing instead of everything for someone who already has their person.

lyrics of note: “I saw it coming soon / ‘Cause when you looked at me she would look at you / Say ‘it’s you not me’ / ‘Cause that’s my favorite part”

Girl Crush – Little Big Town

vibe: Comparing yourself to the one he’s with and wishing that you could be like her, just to better fit the person he wants to be with. Slow and a little bit weepy. Not how you should feel, but definitely how you might feel.

lyrics of note: “I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume / I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch / Yeah, ’cause maybe then you’d want me just as much”

Stay – Sugarland

vibe: Wishing he’d stay with you instead of returning home to her. Ends with a power move, putting yourself back in the driver’s seat and pushing him out of your life. lyrics of note: “What do I have to do to make you see / She can’t love you like me? / Why don’t you stay?”

Blood In The Cut – K.Flay, Aire Atlantica

vibe: Suffering in silence when the one you love is with someone else. Too many good lines in this one, plus the overall dark, grungy energy makes it perfect.

lyrics of note: “All I do is pretend to be ok so my friends can’t see my heart in the blender / Lately, I’ve been killing all my time / Reading through your messages my favorite way to die”



He Leaves You / Moves On to Someone Else

essentials: a blanket fort in which you are the queen and no one can enter unless you allow it, cookie dough – baked into cookies or raw, it’s your call, Dior Iconic Waterproof mascara, several rounds of “I’m actually doing great” practice before returning to groups that know you all broke up


I Wanna Know – NOTD, Bea Miller

vibe: Wishing you could get over someone and having a list of questions comparing how you all were with how he is with his new girlfriend that you both want and never want to be answered.

lyrics of note: “Does she move your body? / Like I moved your body? / ‘Cause I wanna know”

Do You Think About Me – Captain Cuts, Zookëper, Georgia Ku

vibe: Trying to keep someone out of your mind when all you can think of is wondering if they’re thinking of you.

lyrics of note: “Don’t know why I ever thought it’d be easy / Second guessing only leads to regret / Out of sight, out of mind then it hits me”

Send My Love (To Your New Lover) – Adele

vibe: A positive take on being left when he just couldn’t keep up and chose to be with someone else.

lyrics of note: “I’m giving you up / I’ve forgiven it all / You set me free”

She’s Got You – Patsy Cline

vibe: Losing someone, looking around and just seeing a collection of their memories. Heartache has always been around and this 1960s classic is the perfect proof of that. It also mildly makes me think of the heartache my grandmother and mother went through at different times in their lives. Life turned out wonderful for them – it will for you too.

lyrics of note: “The only thing different / The only thing new / I’ve got your picture, she’s got you”

Shout Out To My Ex – Little Mix

vibe: Truly not caring when he moves on because you already have.

lyrics of note: “Shout out to my ex, you’re really quite the man / You made my heart break and that made me who I am”



Ending Things With a Fuqboi

essentials: hair toss, the biggest shrug you can muster, figuring out if you need time to yourself or to find someone new


Undrunk – FLETCHER

vibe: Wishing you could go back and undo all the feelings, memories, time spent on someone.

lyrics of note: “Wish I could get a little un-drunk so I could un-call you / At five in the morning, I would un-fuck you /  But some things you can’t undo”

Dead – Madison Beer

vibe: Dealing with a guy who says he loves you and that you are everything, but won’t commit.

lyrics of note: “You could be here but you’re not, I give whatever you want / But you just take it and run” … “You say you can’t live without me / So why aren’t you dead yet?”

Candles – Daughter

vibe: Soft, slow, and self-mourning as you distance yourself from someone that you love, but who doesn’t want to commit and be with you.

lyrics of note: “I’ll never be a lover / I only bring the heat / Company undercover / Filling space in your sheets”

I Don’t Even Care About You – MISSIO

vibe: Putting your emotions in a box, putting that box in a box, putting that box in a box… Flipping between being depressed, angry, not giving a fuck about someone. Dark, deep, alt-electronic with a whistly vibe.

lyrics of note: “I can do without your false curiosities / Angry again / No, I don’t wanna have a conversation with you / Angry again / Let me sit alone with the kerosene”

Fuqboi – Hey Violet

vibe: Not falling for all the bullshit, chichéd one-liners, and false consideration that a fuqboi will give you.

lyrics of note: “You’re a fuqboi / I’ve been through it before / I’d rather cut out my tongue / Then let you kiss me with yours”

Don’t Call Me Up – Mabel

vibe: Swearing off a fuqboi and realizing your strength in walking away from whatever you got from that fuqboi-ship.

lyrics of note: “Don’t call me up / I’m going out tonight / Feeling good now you’re outta my life” … “My friends said you were a bad man / I should have listened to them back then”

IDGAF – Dua Lipa

vibe: There’s nothing he could say to change your mind. You’re over him. You have iron-will. Very strong sing-with-a-girlfriend-in-her-apartment vibes, and I have.

lyrics of note: “So save it, get gone, shut up / ‘Cause if you think I care about you now / Well, boy, I don’t give a fuck”

Ugly Heart – G.R.L.

vibe: Being into a super hot guy who just sucks. Packing away all your superficial emotions about how gorgeous he is, realizing that underneath it all he WILL hurt you, and using that to put yourself first and protect yourself.

lyrics of note: “Okay you’re pretty / Your face is a work of art / Your smile could light up New York City after dark” … “But it’s such a pity a boy so pretty / With an ugly heart”

Fuck Feelings – Olivia O’Brien

vibe: Fuck feelings. Fuck catching feelings. Fuck having feelings for someone who doesn’t have them for you.

lyrics of note: “Fuck feelings, swear that shit ruined my life / All they ever do is waste my time”



He Cheats on You

essentials: blocking him on social media, a clear and sober mind, best friends that will prevent you from turning around and going back, the realization that it is NOT your fault


You’re Such A – Hailee Steinfeld

vibe: Realizing that the fact that he would cheat puts him in a category of guy that you would never want to be with. Almost has a nursery rhyme vibe with a teasing, innocent, but slightly “are you fucking kidding me?” mix.

lyrics of note: “‘Cause you had your chance and you blew it” … “Did you think that I would let you crawl right back into my bedroom? / After everything we’ve been through / I know the truth / That, damn, you’re such a … difficult little devil”

Alarm – Anne-Marie

vibe: Getting involved with a cheater and receiving the exact same treatment. You were the other woman, he left her for you, and he is still texting her.

lyrics of note: “I should’ve known a cheat stays a cheater / So here we are / And there goes the alarm ringing in my head” … “But I was so intrigued by your style, boy / I always been a sucker for a wild boy / I’m better than this, I know my worth”

Should’ve Said No – Taylor Swift

vibe: He acts like it was a one time mistake when what he should have done was v simple. The OG “he cheated” song from when Taylor Swift was still a country singer.

lyrics of note: “You shouldn’t be begging for forgiveness at my feet / You should’ve said no, baby and you might still have me / I can’t resist, before you go, tell me this / Was it worth it?”

FU – Miley Cyrus

vibe: Kissing his ass goodbye the second you find out about her.

lyrics of note: “I don’t really have much to say / I was over it the second that I saw her name”

I’m Not The Only One – Sam Smith

vibe: Being heartbroken after finding out that all your suspicions were right. Being cheated on during a long-term relationship.

lyrics of note: “I have loved you for many years / Maybe I am just not enough / You’ve made me realize my deepest fear / By lying and tearing us up”

Better Man – Little Big Town

vibe: Putting yourself first and knowing that he’s not good enough for you, but wishing that he was.

lyrics of note: “I see the permanent damage you did to me / Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic” … “Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again / But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man”

two nights – Lykke Li, Aminé

vibe: The very moment you know that cheating is happening. Sad, dark, and deep.

lyrics of note: “Nobody else / You say there’s no one but I can tell / Why can’t you need me and nothin’ else?” … “I left all the lights on / I been sleepin’ with no clothes on / You never came home / Two nights in a row, where’d you go?”

Somebody Else – VÉRITÉ

vibe: Hating to see someone you care about be with someone else, even if you don’t want to be with them. V applicable when, after being cheated on, you want to leave them, but also hate to see them with someone new.

lyrics of note: “I start to believe in anything you’re sayin’ / I’m reminded that I should be gettin’ over it / I don’t want your body / But I hate to think about you with somebody else”



He Tries to Get You Back, but Let’s Face It, He Sucks

essentials: your middle finger held v high, if he cheated on you, one or two petty laughs at his expense, a best friend to prevent you from letting him in your life again if you consider going back


Tired of Talking – LÉON

vibe: Being done with the “let’s talk this out”s and moving on from a love that took your love for granted.

lyrics of note: “‘Cause I’ve been nothing but good to you / You’re howlin’ into the night won’t do” … “Get out the door and disappear / When you get home I won’t be here / Don’t act surprised as if you cared”

Hurts Like Hell – Madison Beer, Offset

vibe: Wishing someone feels every drop of regret after leaving you for someone else.

lyrics of note: “My baby’s all alone in his bed  / Fingertips on the edge / He left me for a girl / But he regrets leaving me” … “You shoulda never let me go / I know I’m messing up your mind / The devil got you good this time”

If You’re Over Me – Years & Years

vibe: Running out of patience for a guy who plays you hot and cold.

lyrics of note: “You tell everyone our love went cold / Going around, spreading the word, it’s over / If that’s how you feel then you should go / Don’t come around saying, ‘I still want you'” … “Yesterday you said I’m the one / But now you say you’re done / Stop telling me what I need”

it’s not u it’s me – Bea Miller, 6LACK

vibe: Casting out a guy who was just a rebound, temporary, or someone you were just playing around with.

lyrics of note: “Your distractions were exactly what I needed / Now I see the truth / It’s not you, it’s me / I’m the only one I need”

Old Love / New Love – Twin Shadow

vibe: White knuckling your will not to return to an ex when you really want to, but know it would be terrible for you.

lyrics of note: “An old love called me yesterday / And she sounds so sweet / Why, she sounds so… / Drill me to the floor / This hurts even more than I expected it to do”

Low Blows – Meg Mac

vibe: When he comes back after completely crushing you, taking your friends, time, and hitting you with so many low blows.

lyrics of note: “Baby, I have nothing left / You took my money and you took my friends back” … “Low blows, man up
It’s all good, man up / ‘Cause I don’t say much when I don’t like it / But I don’t like it and I never liked it like that”

Really Don’t Care – Demi Lovato, Cher Lloyd

vibe: There’s nothing he can do that will bring you back because you are 100% over him.

lyrics of note: “I never want you back into my life / You can take your words and all your lies / I really don’t care”




Keep your head up, ladies. Breakups are part of the risk of dating and if you don’t embrace the risk you’ll never get the reward.


Dear Molly, How Do I Get Over Someone I Never Had?

This is going to sound crazy but I’m heartbroken right now about someone that I never even dated. We texted a little but he’s always been more of a friend than someone I’m dating. But I definitely fell for him and he has a girlfriend. I know he won’t leave her and I don’t want to confess my love or anything, but we just click so so well that it was hard not to have feelings. I stopped talking with him to get some space and it didn’t help, I just miss him and spend nearly all my time checking to see if he wrote me. How do you get over someone that you never even had? 


Feelings tend not to care how hard you are working to keep them at bay. They don’t care about the walls and excuses you’ve made to prevent them from wrapping around your heart. They feed on every inside joke you develop with that person, every time they text you first, every time they compliment you, and every time you two seem just too perfect together.

Every one who has ever had a crush knows this too well and I feel for you. I know the feeling of dread when romantic feelings creep in when you don’t want them to. What you need to remember is that when you are imagining a relationship or life with someone else you are doing just that: imagining. You are filling in the blanks in with the best case scenario. You are romanticizing every possible interaction. Just because you two like the same music does not mean he will dance around the kitchen with you as if you are staring in your own personal rom-com. Just because you both like the same band doesn’t mean he will read your mind and surprise you with concert tickets.

We tend to think that because someone “clicks” with us on interests that they will also “click” with us on needs. Sometimes that’s true, more often though it’s not. Maybe he seems wild and daring and that’s a massive turn-on for you. That doesn’t mean that someone like that would be a good support system for you and make you feel loved. Or the opposite, maybe he seems stable and grounding but would end up feeling suffocating. Remember that no one is infallible and that as perfect as this guy seems he is not perfect. Being with him would not be perfect. Being with him would not make your life perfect.

If he wasn’t attached I would 100% suggest putting yourself out there, but seeing as he is and you’ve chosen to respect that (good on you) it’s time to move on. Remember that you are romanticizing a potential that isn’t there. Take your space to discover yourself. It sounds cliché, but there is something to taking the time and energy you were putting toward thinking about him and investing in yourself. Come up with something you can do for yourself and whenever you start to get emotionally wrapped up in thoughts about him or find yourself checking your phone every other minute hit pause and go do the thing that is for you. Mute the conversation (you can do this on iPhone and IG, I’m not sure about Android) and reward yourself for going a whole day without checking if he wrote you.

And lastly, in the words of Dua Lipa and 100% seconded by me, “if you’re under himyou ain’t gettin’ over him.” Literally under him or under his spell, if you are wrapped up in him you are not processing and moving on.